why does he want me to chase him

Why Does He Want Me To Chase Him?

A guy giving you mixed signals? Trying to figure out if he likes you or not? Time to dive deeper! This article explains why a man may want you to chase him. Plus, advice on how to handle it. Check it out!

What is the chase dynamic?

The chase dynamic, also known as the pursuit-withdrawal or push-pull dynamic, exists in close relationships. It is an emotional tug-of-war between two people. One partner may feel a need to get closer and explore differences. The other may feel safe by keeping the relationship similar. This dynamic usually creates conflict.

Recognizing individual needs for distance or closeness helps. Knowing what triggers feelings and communicating honestly and respectfully is key. This leads to healthier communication and greater trust, connection, and intimacy.

Reasons He May Want You To Chase Him

Confused and frustrated? When a guy makes you chase him, it’s hard to know why. Here are the common causes:

  • He may want to be chased. You need to understand this to have a good relationship. Reasons include: being uncertain, feeling insecure or wanting to test your commitment.

He’s Testing Your Commitment

A man might want his partner to chase him for many reasons, such as:

  • To test how committed they are to the relationship.
  • To see how much effort they’re willing to put in.
  • To see if you can handle tricky situations with grace, instead of reacting impulsively.
  • To gauge your independence.

If he finds you capable of taking care of yourself without his validation or attention, it gives him more confidence in both you and the relationship.

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He’s Trying To Gauge Your Interest

He may have you chasing him to see how interested you are in the relationship. If he’s making it hard to get closer, it could be a sign he’s testing you. Chasing can backfire. He may think you’re desperate or have low self-esteem. He may ask questions without answers or tasks without feedback. This could mean he’s trying to control you. Don’t let this happen. Make sure to establish respect before any pursuit. You deserve loyalty and respect from anyone you allow close.

He Wants To Feel Desired

Your partner could be playing hard to get for one reason. He wants to feel desired. This is because it gives a sense of validation, making them feel worthy of affection. If he suddenly becomes aloof, it may be to see if you value him. By creating an “emotional obstacle course,” he hopes that you put in extra effort and show you care. When someone chooses to pursue him, it can boost his self-worth. This leads to him being more open in a relationship.

How to Handle the Chase

Chasing someone can be hard. It’s like a game sometimes. You may feel like the person you’re after wants you to do the chasing. But why? What does it mean?

This article looks at possible reasons. Plus, how to handle the situation:

Set Boundaries

Be mindful of your boundaries when you’re the one being pursued. If you’re not feeling neglected, explore the possibilities. But if you’re feeling overwhelmed, communicate what your boundaries are and don’t be sorry for having them. This could mean not responding to every text, or asking for more space. Respect should be mutual. If the person isn’t respecting your boundaries, it may be time to reassess.

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The chase should be mutual, so both parties can participate comfortably. Consider how much time you’re able to give to rekindling a relationship; it may have an effect on the long run.

Communicate Openly

Communication is key for a successful, healthy relationship. When it comes to the chase, be honest about your feelings and what you want. This prevents misunderstandings and hurt. Also, share your fears, so you can work through them together. Being vulnerable with your partner creates trust and strengthens the connection. The more honest you are, the easier it will be to handle tough times.

Take Time to Reflect

In a chase or pursuit, take a pause and look at the circumstances. If in danger, understand where you are and know your limits. Beforehand, have a safety plan and look at it every so often.

Questions to ask yourself:

  • Is this an unknown place?
  • Is there an escape route?
  • Are there people who can help if needed?
  • Should I ask for help from emergency services?

Be alert of your environment, rely on your gut feeling, and decide whether to fight or run. Save all details, like license plates and descriptions, with non-threatening means like videos or photos. Lastly, running away is always an option, think of it whenever you can.


In conclusion, the reason he wants you to chase him may not be about his feelings for me, but rather his need for validation and control. By constantly making you work for his attention, he gains a sense of power over you and can feel more secure in the relationship.

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However, constantly chasing someone who is not willing to reciprocate your feelings is not healthy or sustainable. It’s important to prioritize your own needs and boundaries and communicate them clearly. Ultimately, if someone truly values and cares for you, they will make an effort to meet you halfway in the relationship.

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